Learning libido…
resources to help with what no one ever taught you.
Overview
First and foremost, you are not a problem to be fixed and your libido is yours to understand. No one gets to tell you what is right for you.
There is no “one-size-fits-all” approach which makes this area sometimes tough but also liberating! Social pressure expects us to fit into a very limiting box but with time and awareness we can build a pathway to intimacy that fits for each of us.
🧠 Online Resources
Below are reliable websites and articles that explain libido (sometimes called “sex drive”) in accessible, evidence-based ways.
The Libido Fairy Podcast - Hannah Johnson
The Libido Fairy runs a coaching business focused specifically on libido and what drives good intimacy in relationships. The podcast is a great place to start with learning more in a supportive way.
“What Is Libido (Sex Drive) and What Makes It High or Low?” — Verywell Health
Explains libido as a term for sexual appetite or sex drive, shows how it varies person to person and day to day. Verywell Health
Good starting point if you’re wondering: “What is this thing, libido?”
“10 natural ways to boost libido (sex drive)” — Medical News Today
Covers lifestyle factors (sleep, exercise, diet, anxiety) that influence libido. Medical News Today
Helpful for actionable ideas.
“Is Low Sex Drive Normal? Revealing the Complex Causes of Low Libido in Women” — Virtua Health
Focuses on causes of low libido in women, including psychological, relational, biological. Virtua
Good to understand when libido shifts or feels off.
“Decreased Libido (Low Sex Drive)” — UCSF Health
Provides a medically-oriented overview of low libido, especially from a urology/reproductive-health lens. UCSF Department of Urology
“Libido – What is it, what affects it, how to manage it” — Sexual Health Victoria (Australia)
Straightforward definitions, acknowledges that variation is normal. Sexual Health Victoria
“Libido articles by Dr. Jolene Brighten” — Blog category focused on sexual-health/libido topics. Dr. Jolene Brighten
For more in-depth/continuing reading if you like blog-style health writing.
Tip: When exploring online, keep in mind that libido is influenced by many factors—biological (hormones, health), psychological (stress, self-image), relational (connection, history) and lifestyle (sleep, exercise). The articles above reflect that multifactorial reality.
📚 Books to Read
Here are some strong reads if you’d like to deepen your understanding via books. I’ll highlight what they cover and why they might be useful.
Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life – By Emily Nagoski. Offers contemporary science on sexual desire and how it works, especially in context of culture, psychology and physiology. (Mentioned in book circles as helpful for understanding desire broadly.) Reddit
Mating in Captivity by Ester Perel “Esther Perel takes on tough questions, grappling with the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. She invites us to explore the paradoxical union of domesticity and sexual desire, and explains what it takes to bring lust home.” - Goodreads
Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences – By Lauren Fogel Mersy & Jennifer A. Vencill. Focuses on how partners often experience different libido levels; inclusive of different genders, orientations and relationship forms. Beacon Press+1
Perfectly Normal: Living and Loving with Low Libido – Aimed at people who are dealing specifically with low libido, offering perspective and ways to live meaningfully and pleasurably even if desire isn’t “high”.
Aroused: The History of Hormones and How They Control Just About Everything – A bit broader in scope: examines hormones including but not limited to libido, the historical science and how they affect our lives.
Tell Me What You Want by Justin Lehmiller - this book looks at real life data collected from folks on their different fantasies and how to bring them into your life
Sex Without Stress by Jessa Zimmerman - focused on when sex becomes difficult and the contributing factors
Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido – Practical guide to rediscovering libido after it has dipped—life changes, stress, health events often impact desire, and this book focuses on how to reclaim it.
Unlocking Libido: A Woman’s Guide to Rediscovering Desire – Specifically tailored toward women; addresses factors often brushed aside in conversations about libido (hormones, phases of life, sleep, mood, context).
Sex When You Don’t Feel Like It: The Truth About Mismatched Libido and Rediscovering Desire – Helpful for relationships where one partner has higher vs lower desire; explores how to navigate mismatches without shame or blame.
✅ How To Use These Lists
Start with a website article or two to ground yourself in the basics (definition, common influences, what’s normal).
Pick one book that aligns with your concern or interest (e.g., “relationship libido differences” vs “low libido solo/female focus” vs “hormone connection”).
As you read or explore: consider journaling your own experience of libido (what’s your baseline, what factors seem to affect it, relationship/health/lifestyle context).
Combine reading/learning with action: the online article on 10 ways to boost libido gives lifestyle steps (sleep hygiene, exercise, relationship quality) you can try in parallel. Medical News Today
If you notice very low desire, or distress/relationship strain around libido, it might be worth discussing with a sexual-health professional as some articles note libido is multifactorial and may warrant support. Mayo Clinic Health System+1
💡 Final Thoughts
Libido is often portrayed as one fixed “level” you should have, but the truth is: it naturally varies by person, by life stage, by context.
What matters more than comparing to others is how comfortable you feel with your own desire, how it aligns (or doesn’t) with your relationships, your health, and your values.
Learning about libido gives you language and understanding; the books deepen that; the action part (sleep, movement, communication, maybe therapy) helps you live it.